Wholeness Pt 4: Deeper Dive I Have No Man

Wholeness Pt 4: I Have No Man Deeper Dive

“If you need a man, you don’t need a man.”

- RC Blakes Jr.

“The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying.” – John C. Maxwell

There’s such a stigma attached to unmarried women over age 30. The closer we get to 40 as a single, the more desperate we can become to be married and start a family. Our biological clocks are winding down and society thinks we’re peculiar if we haven’t married, or aren’t on the path toward it, by age 25. Somehow, we want to prove that we’re perfectly normal and worthy of love. We also want to fulfill childhood dreams of marrying our prince charming. Consequently, many women wait for a man – or worse – pursue a man for the sole purpose of marriage or children.

The problem with waiting for a man is that we tend to keep our lives in a holding pattern. We allow singlehood to hold us back from opportunities. We wait to buy a house or travel. We wait to be happy. We wonder if every man we meet is the one. We absolutely dread Valentine’s Day and every other major holiday where it’s expected that you’ll be coupled up with a significant other. We long to be the object of someone’s affection. And we’re constantly faced with the infamous question: “Why are you single?”

The other extreme is conforming to the norms of the 21st century, where women are encouraged to shoot their shot. Women, in some cases, have become the hunters. Men gladly accept the invitation, and women oftentimes end up heartbroken and/or single moms. Please don’t do this to yourself.

I met my husband-to-be when I was 38 years old. By that time, I’d grown in my relationship with God, hence filling my God-sized void. I’ve always had a very supportive family who didn’t pressure me into marriage nor motherhood. I also had a fantastic network of single friends and people I could enjoy life with. I’d been in my career for over a decade, traveled quite a bit, and purchased my first home. While I was personally content and didn’t feel desperate to have a man, I desired a romantic companion and life partner.

I understand the desires of a single woman in her 30’s. My advice is just that we don’t let our desires have us. Self-love is crucial during this season. During singlehood, we also have to find our tribe by linking with other like-minded singles in our age group. Remember this quote from RC Blakes: “If you need a man, you don’t need a man.” This is the litmus test for whether you’re healthy enough to be in a romantic relationship. People can smell desperation, and you’ll become their next victim if you are indeed desperate.

The Man with an Infirmity (John 5:1-15 KJV)

There’s an account of a man in the Bible who had an infirmity for 38 years. He was also known as an invalid - a sickly person; a person who is too sick or weak to take care of their own needs and who requires frequent care. Pause and think about this for a second – 38 years! That’s a long time, let alone to be in a less-than-optimum condition.

Jesus had compassion for him and asked: “Will you be made whole?” At first, I wondered why Jesus asked if the man wanted to be made whole. Of course, he would, right? But, based on the context, maybe he wasn’t as motivated as the other disabled people were to be healed (John 5:3). What if he’d gotten comfortable in his infirmity? What if his symptoms didn’t bother him as much as they did in, say, the first few years he dealt with them? What if he just showed up for the comradery? What if he’d given up hope for healing? If so, he may not have wanted to be healed.

He responded to Jesus, “Sir, I have no man” (John 5:7 NKJV). He was waiting for a man to put him in the pool when the water was troubled; he relied on someone to come to his rescue. It also begs the question: are we waiting on a man? Can we experience wholeness without a man? Are we attempting to decline Jesus’ offer for wholeness because we don’t have a man in the picture yet?

In a round-about way, the man expressed his interest in healing, citing his unsuccessful attempts in the past. He told Jesus about his efforts to get into the stirring water first (without help) to be healed, but someone else always seemed to surpass him (John 5:7). They believed that the first person to make it into the water got healed. He was trying. Maybe he’d convinced himself that the only way he’d be able to get into the pool was if he had a man to help him.

Jesus was giving him an option to bypass the pool altogether, and to receive wholeness rather than just healing. Although the man never said, “Yes, I want to be made whole,” Jesus gave him three-part instructions on how to do so (v. 8-9): “Rise, take up your bed, and walk.” The Bible says, “And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked.” He was made whole as he attempted to rise in obedience to Jesus! Then he could accomplish the other two actions: take up his bed and walk. As the man rose, he was made whole (John 5:8-9), and he took up his bed and walked. Many times, we just have to obey the first command God gives us, and He will empower us to do the rest!

Interestingly, the infirmed man didn't know who Jesus was. When the Jews asked who’d healed him, he couldn’t tell them (John 5:10-13 KJV). If he knew that Jesus was a masterful Healer, he would have (hopefully) said yes. He was willing to try whatever he thought would free him from his condition. Whether it was getting into the pool an angel stirred periodically, or an invitation to wholeness from a stranger!

Not only was the infirmed man’s body healed, but he also experienced wholeness, which goes beyond physical wellbeing to include the health of the spirit and soul. Jesus indirectly explained the spirit-soul components of wholeness. Jesus said, "See, you are [whole]... Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you" (John 5:14 NIV). What does sin have to do with wholeness? Sin interrupts our spirit-connection with God (Isaiah 59:2).

Sin originates in the soul, the control center for our thoughts (mind), emotions, and desires (will). We all have a general sense of right and wrong regardless of our religious beliefs (Romans 2:15), and we sin when we don’t do what we know is right (James 4:17 AMP). The soul plays a role in our decision-making process, since it’s the intermediary between our body and spirit. When something (whether good or bad) is impressed on our soul (where our desires and intents live), we have a choice to do what is right (or not). The body and spirit wrestle over whether or not to act out what's been impressed on the soul. When Jesus commanded the man to sin no more, He was empowering him to subject his body and soul to his renewed spirit. The more we make the decision to do what’s right, the stronger our spirit-connection to God. We can’t experience wholeness without this vital spiritual life-line.

The previously infirmed man was made whole. God restored his:

• Body: He went from not being able to physically do much for himself for 38 years, to carrying what carried him (his mat) and walking around.

• Soul: He took his life off hold, no longer having to vigilantly watch for an angel to come down and stir the water so he could try to get into the water first. He no longer depended on people for help and mobility.

• Spirit: He was cleansed of sin and given a fresh start. Perhaps he visited the temple to worship God. He learned who Jesus was as well (John 5:14-15)!

Summary

This man wanted to be cured of a condition he suffered with for 38 years. His focus was the pool stirred by an angel rather than Jesus, who had the ability to make him whole. He persistently went after a less effective means to wholeness. He was waiting on a man. Sound familiar?

This story stands out because this is the first time we witness someone being made whole without any effort. In other scriptures where Jesus made people whole, they either pressed their way to Jesus, called out to Him, or took drastic measures to get His attention. In Luke 5:17-26, some men lowered their friend down through the roof into a room where Jesus was so He could heal him! There were so many people around that they saw no other way to get their friend to Jesus. But the infirmed man was waiting for the troubling of the water and for a man to put him in the pool.

Instead, Jesus offered him wholeness. Jesus was adamant about his wholeness, being well-aware that he was in that condition for a long time. Jesus also followed up with him afterward to instruct the man on how to maintain his wholeness (stop sinning).

Jesus is just as determined to ensure your wholeness. He's coming to you even now asking you, “Will you be made whole?” He wants you to live a full, abundant life, whether you’ve obtained a man or not. He accepts you just the way you are, but He doesn't want you to return to your old ways.

Just as the infirmed man didn’t realize Jesus had the power to heal him and make him whole, we, too, can be oblivious to our need for wholeness. Sometimes we focus too much on having a mate. So, God sent His Holy Spirit to nudge us and offer to fill us so that we no longer have a God-sized void. His wholeness ensures we have manageable stress levels, minimal physical ailments, enjoyable relationships, a secure connection to God, and inner peace. As you can imagine, wholeness is an ongoing process where we have to continually renew our spirit and nurture our soul and body.

Prayer

LORD, thank you so much for meeting this precious reader in this very moment. Thank You that You desire to make them whole in body, soul, and spirit. You've seen their suffering and affliction and I pray in Jesus' Name for Your forgiveness over them, and that they will open their heart to receive Your wholeness even now. Help them rise up, in Jesus' Name! Amen.

Exercise

Pray for God to show you what changes you need to make in order to walk in your wholeness. Then take time to listen. God speaks.

Fun Fact

Some say that people superstitiously believed an angel periodically came down and stirred the water in the pool of Bethesda. They presumed the first person with an infirmity to get into the pool after it was stirred would be made whole. In this passage, the infirmed man was amongst the crowds waiting for the angel to descend and stir the waters.

More Content and My Book

For more “Words of Wisdom” blog posts, visit https://shanterosevenus.com.

Also, check out my book, Bye Bye Heartbreak!

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• Rediscover who you are apart from your ex.

• Befriend yourself so you don’t feel lonely.

• Renew your spirit through intimacy with God.

• Take steps to create the life you want.

If you’re ready to wave bye-bye to the excruciating pain, regret, shame, and disappointment and create a new, delightful chapter of your life, this book is for you. Click on the following book title to access Bye Bye Heartbreak.

Resources:

More information about the Stirring of the water:

https://apologeticspress.org/the-stirring-of-the-water-and-bible-integrity-2103/

Scriptural references are from the American King James Version unless otherwise noted.