Wholeness Pt 4: I Have No Man

“If you need a man, you don’t need a man.”

- RC Blakes Jr.

There’s such a stigma attached to unmarried women over age 30. The closer we get to 40 as a single, the more desperate we can become to be married and start a family. Our biological clocks are winding down and society thinks we’re peculiar if we haven’t married, or aren’t on the path toward it, by age 25. Somehow, we want to prove that we’re perfectly normal and worthy of love. We also want to fulfill childhood dreams of marrying our prince charming. Consequently, many women wait for a man – or worse – pursue a man for the sole purpose of marriage or children.

The problem with waiting for a man is that we tend to keep our lives in a holding pattern. We allow singlehood to hold us back from opportunities. We wait to buy a house or travel. We wait to be happy. We absolutely dread Valentine’s Day and every other major holiday where it’s expected that you’ll be coupled up with a significant other. We long to be the object of someone’s affection. We wonder if every man we meet is the one. And we’re constantly faced with the infamous question: “Why are you single?”

The other extreme is conforming to the norms of the 21st century, where women are encouraged to shoot their shot. Women, in some cases, have become the hunters. Men gladly accept the invitation, and women oftentimes end up heartbroken and/or single moms. Please don’t do this to yourself.

I met my husband-to-be when I was 38 years old. By that time, I’d grown in my relationship with God, hence filling my God-sized void. I’ve always had a very supportive family who didn’t pressure me into marriage nor motherhood. I also had a fantastic network of single friends and people I could enjoy life with. I’d been in my career for over a decade, traveled quite a bit, and purchased my first home. While I was personally content and didn’t feel desperate to have a man, I desired a romantic companion and life partner.

I understand the desires of a single woman in her 30’s. My advice is just that we don’t let our desires have us. Self-love is crucial during this season. During singlehood, we also have to find our tribe by linking with other like-minded singles in our age group. Remember this quote from RC Blakes: “If you need a man, you don’t need a man.” This is the litmus test for whether you’re healthy enough to be in a romantic relationship. People can smell desperation, and you’ll become their next victim if you are indeed desperate.

We can be oblivious to our need for wholeness. Sometimes we focus too much on having a mate. God’s wholeness ensures we have manageable stress levels, minimal physical ailments, enjoyable relationships, a secure connection to God, and inner peace. As you can imagine, wholeness is an ongoing process where we have to continually renew our spirit and nurture our soul and body.

Jesus is asking you now, “Will you be made whole?” He wants you to live a full, abundant life, whether you’ve obtained a man or not. He accepts you just the way you are, but He doesn't want you to return to your old ways.

Prayer

LORD, thank you so much for meeting this precious reader in this very moment. Thank You that You desire to make them whole in body, soul, and spirit. You've seen their suffering and affliction and I pray in Jesus' Name for Your forgiveness over them, and that they will open their heart to receive Your wholeness even now. Help them rise up, in Jesus' Name! Amen.

Exercise

Pray for God to show you what changes you need to make in order to walk in your wholeness. Then take time to listen. God speaks.

Fun Fact

Some say that people superstitiously believed an angel periodically came down and stirred the water in the pool of Bethesda. They presumed the first person with an infirmity to get into the pool after it was stirred would be made whole. In this passage, the infirmed man was amongst the crowds waiting for the angel to descend and stir the waters.